written by Natalie Caine, M.A.  

Do you want to be serenaded or simply a phone call that says why you are loved? Over the years of speaking with empty nesters and boomers , pain comes from unrealistic expectations about their relationships .

Parents are so disappointed that children forget birthdays and Valentine’s Day. Couples get seduced, for good reason, by the hype of advertising and unmet fantasies from the younger part of who they were.

What can you do? How can you get what you want with love? ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. I know you love a surprise. You can have that. Remind the people you want love from. Don’t tell them every idea or you won’t feel the surprise. You will set yourself up for resentment towards them that you did all the work and yet they didn’t ask you to do that. Use some humor, “I know you love me, but show me the feelin. Here is a save the date, ha ha, my birthday is …….” Humor gives them a blunt message. When you give them a shout out ahead of time to save that date by a ridiculous idea using a permanent pen and writing it on their face…ha ha, the humor might stick.

You would think they wouldn’t need a save the date with Valentine’s Day since it is splashed in the stores and TV, but again…tell them what you want with humor. “You’ve Lost That Lovin Feelin,” hey sweet son or daughter, or partner, I don’t want to be singing that song on Valentine’s Day so don’t forget me and by the way no candy and no flowers.

If you don’t get the love you wanted, tell them or you will eventually attack them due to the disappointment.

It isn’t easy to carry paradoxes because we haven’t been taught, for example, “I said what I wanted and still nothing showed up.” The paradox is you carry both, saying the desire and not being attached to the outcome. This doesn’t erase the anger or with parents the thought that pops up that they didn’t teach their children well to be giving towards others.

People are going to do what they are going to do and YOU CAN’T CONTROL THEM. You need to feel your feelings, say them, and then let it go. Check in with yourself and see if your expectations were unrealistic.

Treat yourself well. If your loved ones forget you, do something for yourself that acknowledges that special date on the calendar. YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY ON YOURSELF.

Kathryn bought herself new lipstick and ordered in so she felt pampered. She cried and took care of herself. Good news is this year she didn’t blame herself for doing somet...

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