written by Relationship Coaches |  

RCI Coach Ann Robbins has experienced the trauma and devastation of infidelity first hand. Although her marriage did not survive it, she learned how to use her experiences to help others. Today, Ann is happily remarried. Tara Kachaturoff interviews Ann.

Tara Kachaturoff: Infidelity is a common topic in the news — usually making headlines because of its association with celebrities. However, this isn’t a problem for the rich and famous, but instead is something that has touched and will touch the lives of many men and women. How common do you think this is?

Tara Kachaturoff

Ann Robbins: Recently we’ve seen what feels an epidemic of infidelity in the news. Many high profile celebrities and politicians are making headlines due to their marital sidebar shenanigans — everyone from the former governor of New York to golf’s golden legend.

Americans hold marriage as sacred, and along with that is supposed to come fidelity. When the marriage vows are discarded and infidelity occurs, it cuts into our value system in a devastating way. Research studies done in the 1990s tell us that as much as 50% of both men and women cheat – however more recent studies, such as clinical studies and others done into the year 2000 suggest much lower numbers.

It is not clear if we can rely on these statistics. Some studies done in complete privacy with assured anonymity suggest the 50% number is more accurate whereas other studies, done where privacy is not assured, indicate a lower percentage. Regardless, we know infidelity is occurring at a rate that doesn’t seem to be slowing down. And according to US News & World Report, a full 99% of Americans expect their spouse to be faithful. And the majority of Americans (80%) say infidelity is “always wrong.”

Tara: Why do men and women have affairs?

Ann: There is no single reason why men and women have affairs. Most people who engage in extramarital affairs are either drawn to something, or they’re trying to get away from something. Typically, there are a myriad of reasons, and some of the reasons can stem from psychological roots that go back to childhood. Being raised in a household where infidelity was present, attitudes toward the opposite sex, relationship with parents – all these things can contribute.

Often the reasons behind the affairs are sex, entitlement, lust, ego, boredom, loneliness, need for validation, need to feel desirable or knowing “I’ve still got it.” Some people are drawn to risk, excitement and the curiosity. Others are power seekers, with a feeling the rules don’t apply to them. Still others are trying to escape a painful or emotionally dead relationship. And we’ve seen how Hollywood places glamour and romance on affairs.

Bottom line – there is no one reason, but one of the most common reasons is, “My partner just doesn’t list...

Click here to read the rest of the article from Boomer-Living.com