written by Kenney Hegland

After all the years, after all the alarm clocks, after all the joys and heartaches of raising our own children, it has become our time, our time to sit with our sleepy grandchildren , quietly whispering “Hush.”

Well, maybe not.

Many grandparents not only put their grandchildren to bed, they wake them in the morning, feed them, get them off to school, and, as the years go by, stay up late, pacing the floor, dreading the late night phone call.

Millions of children are being raised by grandparents. This raises tricky legal problems but, before addressing them, a few quick words about other problems that might arise.

∗You want to give your grandchildren money, now or at your death.

If you die without a will, your estate will pass to your children and not your grandchildren . You’ll need a will or you might want to give them money now. Giving money to minors presents problems. They do not have legal capacity and most people, even if they did, do not want them to get the money until they are adults or until they go to college and probably, even then, not all of it at once. Setting up trusts is one solution as is creating an educational IRA, a so-called 529 Plan. Your accountant or lawyer can help.

∗Your children won’t let you visit your grandchildren .

Lawyers are wonderful and I don’t say that simply because I spent my career teaching them. On a call-in “Ask a Lawyer” TV show, the caller asked, “Do grandparents have any rights to visit their grandchildren ?”

“No, absolutely none.”

At station break, another lawyer pointed out that there was a state statute giving grandparents visitation rights . When the show resumed:

“In case anyone misunderstood what I said ….”

Most states have such laws but they are very narrow in scope. Most require that the nuclear family be broken (perhaps by divorce ) and that there has been a long history of grandparent visits. A local lawyer can advise. However, better than a lawyer, consider mediation – the Family Court in your jurisdiction might provide services.

∗Your grandchildren are staying with you a couple of months

Physical custody does not equal legal custody. Not having legal custody can lead to problems—doctors may insist on a parent’s consent to a medical treatment, and school and welfare officials might also require it. If the child’s stay with you is to be temporary, say over the summer or until the parents can relocate, then a Parental Power of Attorney should suffice in most states. Signed by the parent (better yet, notarized – bells and whistles always help), it will give you power to act in the parent’s stead in relation to medical and educational decisions. Even a letter, signed by one parent, is better than nothing. Better still, the parent could phone the doctor and the school and explain the situation and ask if they need any forms signed.

Now, back to the hard problem: wh...