A recent article in the Huffington Post, To Divorce or Separate: The Experts Weigh In , focused on the news that Couteney Cox and David Arquette are separating, not divorcing, after 11 years of marriage. In my counseling practice, I have recently discovered that many baby boomers are dissatisfied with their marriages. Some are handling their uncomfortable feelings by getting involved with someone outside the marriage, in other words, having an extramarital affair. Others have abruptly moved out (after 20 or even 30 years of marriage), leaving a note and having their spouse served with divorce papers.
The public has gotten used to celebrity split ups, but usually there is so much drama, somebody doing somebody else “wrong,” somebody blatantly cheating, somebody requiring inpatient rehab for substance abuse or sexual philandering, or for being physically abusive. We tend to have difficulty dealing with the gray areas. We want it all to be put into a simple framework so that in our own lives we can know with some certainty what we would need to do in similar circumstances.
Over the years, the original purpose, goal and dream for our relationship will inevitably change. Our relationships do not always fit into nice neat boxes and definite patterns. In previous generations there were some standard rules and roles for marriage. The man had the provider role and the woman had the homemaker role. There was very little acceptable choice. Each knew their role and lived together, often in a state of ”quiet desperation.”
Times are different now. Roles are not so clearly defined. Women are succeeding in the working environment and men are often more involved with homemaking and childcare details. Online social media sites, pornography, and exotic dance clubs are inviting men and women to focus their erotic attention and emotional attachments outside of their marriage. Baby boomers, especially the lead group, have experienced a period of free love, financial well being, and the expectancy of a life filled with sensual pleasure, enjoyment, and financial comfort.
There seems to be a general angst in society at this time. The media portrays intense and vibrant sexuality at a time when the baby boomer sandwich generation (dealing with aging parents and child rearing) is feeling stress, anxiety and daily pressure. Many wonder what happened to that free love and creative expression that once filled their lives.
Living together with another person, day in and day out, with all the details of life, can pay a toll on any intimate relationship. Dealing with financial, emotional, sexual, spiritual, mental, and creative needs and demands as well as responding to the influences of often well-meaning family, friends, colleagues and the media, can definitely influence, affect and destroy even the most intimate relationship.
Many of us were never given the tools or the training required to muster through the difficul...
