written by Relationship Coaches |  

Submitted by Frankie Doiron

Dear Coaches,

I’m 53 and met a guy who is in his early thirties at a charity fundraiser I attended several months ago. We’ve met a couple times for coffee, just the two of us, and also with others from a committee we’re now both serving on. Recently we met for coffee and he started sharing more personal things with me. He isn’t seeing anyone and he did say he was interested in me and would to get to know me better. He wants to date me. He said his last relationship (of 7 years) was actually with another woman who was 10 years older than him.

He is very mature, recognizes there is a rather large age gap between us — at least 15 years. I, myself, have been divorced a number of years and haven’t dated much. I told him I wanted some time to think about this, which he understood. There’s no doubt we want to learn more about each other and explore the possibilities of a future together.

My question – is there really anything wrong with dating someone younger, especially as a woman? Is there anything I should be thinking about before taking this next step? I know it’s no big deal to see older men with much younger women, but what about the other way around? Does the age gap matter when it comes to finding the love of your life ? What’s your advice?

Angela in St. Augustine

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Betsy responds …

Older women dating younger men is a growing trend both in the U.S. and abroad. Men who date older women typically say that they appreciate how older women tend to be more independent, comfortable with themselves, know what they want, don’t play games, and appreciate what a younger man has to offer.

However some younger men are simply seeking the excitement of dating a “cougar,” primarily for the purpose of having sex. If you choose to explore a relationship with your younger male friend, it is important to determine what type of relationship each of you are seeking and whether your interests are compatible. Are you interested in casual dating or something more serious? Does he want kids one day? Will you want to listen to classical music when he wants to listen to hip-hop? Both chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship regardless of any difference in age.

Betsy Dorn | 919.434.6716

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Randy responds …

No, there is nothing wrong with dating someone much younger. Yes, it makes a difference in finding the love of your life . There are two competing forces at work here. One is the natural attraction between two people, and this is independent of age....

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