Ask Our Coaches: Boomer Dating and Gift Giving: What to Do

written by Frankie Doiron |

Dear Coaches,

What are the best types of gifts to give to someone you’re dating – when you want to indicate you like them, but you’re not quite ready to say, “I love you”? Do you have any advice when it comes to giving gifts, especially when it’s early in the relationship and you happen to be dating during the holidays ( Thanksgiving , Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, etc.)? Are there any types of gifts that we single men and women should avoid giving to our dates?

Singles Everywhere

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Jerald responds …

A great gift for a friend who is “special, but not spousal,” at least not yet, is (drum roll please) a book! Wait. Wait. Wait! Please, hear me out. This is a very special book. And, here is the good part – you control the message it sends.

The gift consists of two parts: (1) a book on a topic that your friend is passionate about, that (2) contains a personal inscription by you that controls the level of intimacy intended. To communicate continued interest in the relationship, while keeping the relationship “at arm’s length,” give a book on a topic about which your friend is passionate, but you’re not.

A book demonstrates interest in and respect for what is uniquely theirs. The inscription should communicate your positive reactions to your friend’s passion. Sign it with your first name.
For example, an inscription in a book about ballet, your friend’s passion, might read, “I enjoy watching you dance. – Jerry.”

To communicate a desire to be closer than a full arm’s length, give a book on a topic both of you are passionate about. The inscription should include your positive reactions for sharing your common interest. For jogging enthusiasts, an inscription on a jogging book might read, “I look forward to going running with you. – Melissa.”

In both cases, focus the inscription on the book’s topic, your friend’s interest, not on your friend or your relationship. Save that for when you move into a committed relationship. Have fun giving it!

Jerald Young, Ph.D. | www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com | 917.865.2710

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Robynn responds …

Gift giving can be challenging, especially in the beginning stages of a possible love connection. You want to acknowledge your new interest as someone special, but you want to give a gift that is appropriate for the stage of your relationship.

When choosing a gift, think about how a person may feel when receiving it. Be aware of the message that a gift which is too expensive or too perso...

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